The Idiot

il faut plaindre les idiots

I am despicable. I am a violent person. In the early hours of this day, I punched a man so hard that I rid him of sight in one of his eyes... Permanently. He is a man like myself— weak and foolish, and so I only expect that he would report me. He would tell the police that he has been rendered blind by a seemingly calm but rather vicious young man. When he reports me to the police; they, like sheep, would run for the prize—I am the prize—they would accost me and with cuffs, lead me to their own hole. But I, I swear I wouldn't deny it, I wouldn't even try to prevent the arrest. As soon as I behold them approaching my little home, I shall walk out with both my arms stretched so that they can wrap my wrists in their cold metal cuffs. Then when they, the police, ask me why I did what I did, if I did what I did; I would then narrate to them of the ordeal, that transpired betwixt myself and the one-eyed chap. You see, he insulted me, he abused my reputation and tried to make a fool of my personality, and so I rushed at him like a wild boar, and after head-butting him, I punched his eye thus ridding him of that eye forever. He insulted me and so now he would live with such insult, that is what I call a fair game because not only did he insult my person, but he audaciously did it before half a score of persons. That was an insult too much, to be taken by me, and so I punched his eye and were it not for the threats of "police!" which were made by the crowd, I would have indeed rid him of his second eye.

You see, I was hurt and convalescing—convalescing from the many hard truths I have had to suffer and endure. Of losses, of denials and of deep discoveries – and even with such intuition, there still was very little hope as had been for so long. How does a being consume so much food that such food becomes just an ordinary embellishment?! Yet, everyday I see people who consume, not out of hunger but out of a certain devotion to a cycle of consumption. A mawkish yet extremely powerful cycle. The kind that rattles the brain, and propels a being to do something, despite how obviously and utterly useless such a thing is. Ironies allowed, such consumption (action) does possess a great deal of drive, and so you set out with much fervor and interest, at times you are even happy and are grinning from ear to ear... Then when all actions are done and complete, you see everything for what it is – useless! Utterly useless. But when your mind clears, and it always shall clear, you shall indulge yourself again and again with the cycle of useless consumption beaming; while you suffer, due to your lack of self-integrity and self-truth.

I have lost a lot. At the gaming tables, at the wheel of fortune and Providence, at the yard of time, and most recently, at my workplace. I have had my job as an intern at a Law Firm for a good time now. I am considered a rather earnest fellow and many perceive me to be calm, so naturally I have found great favor in my office and among my peers. While maintaining a cordial smile towards my peers and superiors, I read, study, practice and I write constantly hoping to someday put on the wig and gown. Intermittently, I and the peers (within my rank) are tested based on what we ought to know— it is flowing from this that my troubles have risen. I have, in my own good way, devoted a large portion of myself to the entirety of my career at the firm. I have written, attended the organized classes, studied hard and smiled at every person who ever came close enough towards me. But except for the latter–now that I ponder–I have not been diligent in any of these devotions. In my first season at the Firm, initially, I devoted myself in toto to these responsibilities and I daresay that there weren't many who were as diligent as I was. But now you already know– I wouldn't have had to punch a man if everything had been faring smoothly right from that initial season. Like a row of dominoes, one terribly misjudged risk on the Gambling Table of Life, led to a long series of yet-to-be-stopped misfortunes, failures and desires to punch people at the jaw. It has now wound up as failure in one of my responsibilities at the firm - a terrible omen.

Now I have been ensconced on a wooden chair for over two hours trying to explain to this broad-faced policeman that my actions, though violent, were carried out in self-defense. I only sought to defend myself, my person and my integrity. I have asked him twice as many times as he has dared question me, "if a man catches you cold in your face, would you not clobber him?” I have argued my case adroitly—I am a budding Lawyer—I have made plain before this superintendent officer that I meant no original harm towards the single-eyed man, and I think he intends to let me go. He should know however, that I merely meant to defend myself as he attacked my reputation before flashing cameras and obnoxious eyes. He called me vile and unspeakable names, which is in itself, more painful than a sledgehammer to the head. The question my humble self has asked this officer now as I take my jacket and walk towards the front of the room door is, "would you suffer a person to insult you when you have a fist?" His countenance is that of suggestive rebellion; that is to say that, he would himself clobber and clatter any person who dares even to mention his name without cause. Now I have left the station; the one-eyed chap is wiser, no doubt; the policeman is more self-aware, he should be thankful; and I, I might be the idiot.